Let's talk about anal. Yup, anal sex. Chances are, more people than you imagine are engaging in butt play, including many heterosexual couples.
While anal sex is sometimes perceived as painful or unpleasant, it's increasingly a part of many people's sex lives.
Why anal? Well, for starters, it can feel really good. The anus is full of nerve endings that can provide pleasure, whether you've got a penis or a vagina. That doesn't make it any less intimidating if you haven't tried it before, and you may be concerned about pain, cleanliness, or overall logistics. But if you're anal-curious, we've got your back.
Let’s start from the beginning.
What is anal sex?
Anal sex is a type of sex where one partner’s penis enters the other partner’s anus. In other words: it’s simply sex that involves a penis and a butt as opposed to a vagina. But anal sex doesn’t always have to involve a penis. It’s still considered anal play even when you use your hands, mouth, or a sex toy for anal penetration.
Are a lot of people out there having anal sex? Stats say yes! And it’s not just the queer community; more and more cis heterosexual women and men are engaging in butt play in the bedroom.
This 2022 article from The Guardian spotlights how the practice has picked up in the bedrooms of couples in the U.S and UK. Another 2021 study found that 39% of men and 37.2% of women had anal sex sometime in their lives. Yet another study found that 44% of heterosexual men, aged between 25-44 years old, have had anal sex at least once in their lives.
So, yes, people of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations are having anal sex, and you can, too. Here is our expert advice about how to make the experience of trying anal sex an enjoyable one:
How to make anal sex feel better
Whether this is your first anal rodeo or you’ve been at it before, here are some easy steps to make butt play enjoyable for all parties involved.
Talk it over
While it's totally okay to feel intimidated or freaked out at first, anal sex is a completely normal aspect of any sex life as long as both partners are on board and the sex is consensual. Dr. Debra Laino, a sex therapist and sexologist, explains: "It can be emotionally bonding, but it's important for both partners to agree on having anal sex."
Talk it over with your partner beforehand, and be honest about any fears, hang-ups, or concerns. Agree on any boundaries prior to the act. “Having everything out in the open will make the whole experience better,” says Laino. She suggests that you start the conversation by asking how your partner feels about anal play, and share your feelings about it as well. “Keep in mind that the goal isn't to agree, force, or acquiesce; it is simply to understand your partner's thoughts on the topic," Laino reminds us.
Prepare
Read up on positions that might work for you (a common one for first-timers is for the person being penetrated to be on top, so they can control the level of penetration, but side-lying is a good option, too). You can check out anal scenes in porn films as well, although they might not look exactly like what could happen in your own bedroom.
If it makes you feel better, you can wash your butt and genitals before sex, but it's more important to make sure that the toy or penis (the thing that's actually going in!) is clean. You can have sex on a towel or another surface if you're worried about poop or lube spreading to sheets or furniture.
Foreplay, condoms, and lubricant
One of the most important things is to make sure you're totally turned on before penetration, with lots of foreplay and stimulation on and in your other erogenous zones. You or your partner can prepare with other anal play, too, like finger insertion or oral sex. The anus is not self-lubricating like the vagina, so lube is definitely your friend. Make sure you have a lot of it on hand for every anal sex session, but especially when you're just getting used to it. With lube and anal sex, more is definitely more.
Even if you're having sex with a trusted and established partner, it's a good idea to use a lubricated condom, according to Planned Parenthood. Laino adds, "And never go from having sex in the anus to having sex in the vagina in the same ‘session’ without washing the penis or other penetrative object. It can transmit bacteria that aren't beneficial to the vagina."
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Go slow and be open to changing the plan
Ask your partner to go slow. Focus on breathing deeply, which will help relax you (and your anal sphincter). A little bit of pain at first is pretty normal, but it shouldn't be unbearable or excruciating. Starting small by slowly getting used to anal sex toys on your own beforehand, or by using your (or your partner’s) fingers, can also help you get used to the sensation of having something in your butt.
You can also add a vibrator to the mix for some added pleasure! [Shop LOLA’s body-safe vibrator]
Check-in verbally with your partner throughout the experience. If things seem too painful, awkward, or otherwise not good, feel free to pause and reassess. You can even stop and try again another time, or never if you feel that it isn’t for you!
Bottom line: You may love receiving anal penetration (or giving it to someone else), or you may find it's really not your jam. We can't stress enough how important it is to be open and communicative with your partner about your feelings, and that includes what you're feeling in both your butt and in your brain. Feeling comfortable emotionally and mentally is a huge part of having a great anal sex experience. So talk it out, lube it up, and get it on!
What are the risks associated with anal sex?
Anal sex isn’t without its risks. Let’s find out what they are before we jump into how to lower them:
Anal fissures
The tissue of the anus is very delicate and thin, making it more susceptible to tearing than other tissue. Combine this with the lack of natural lubrication, and anal sex can cause tiny tears in the lining of the anus due to friction, known as anal fissures. These can be painful and cause some amount of bleeding. Another concern with anal fissures is that they give an opening for the bacteria from your poop to enter your skin.
Infections
The anus is full of bacteria. It is designed to hold your poop behind it, after all. When engaging in any type of anal play, these bacteria can migrate into anal fissures, or transfer to the giving partner, and cause infections.
Having anal sex also increases the chances of you getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI), such as genital herpes and warts, chlamydia, HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, and hepatitis C. Why? Because, as we saw above, the lining of the anus is thin and can tear easily. When this happens, it becomes easier for bacteria to enter the body through these tears, causing STIs and infections.
Additionally, as Laino mentioned above, jumping straight to vaginal sex after anal without washing the penis / toy / fingers first can throw your vaginal bacteria off and cause infections and UTIs.
Colon perforation
A colon perforation is a hole in the wall of your colon, or small intestine. Although the chances of this happening are rare, they are never zero. If your colon is perforated after anal sex, it’ll show up in the form of heavy bleeding from your anus, severe abdominal pain or cramping, or a swollen abdomen. If you observe any of these symptoms, head to the emergency room immediately!
Another thing to note is that you can get pregnant from anal sex if you don’t use protection. This is because the anus is quite close to the vagina, and semen can travel from your butt to your vagina.
How to reduce the risks of anal sex
If you had a moment of panic after reading about the risks of anal sex, don’t worry! Follow these steps to make sure you and your partner enjoy a safe butt play session:
- Clean yourself before and after you have anal sex. For the pre-butt play hygiene routine, washing with soap and water should be enough. But if you’re worried that any possible poop might turn you off, you can consider getting an enema or an anal douche. Once you’re done, wash yourself again.
- Use a condom or another form of protection (such as a dental dam or a finger condom) to keep yourself safe from STIs. Change the condoms before moving on to a different sexual activity.
- Use copious amounts of lube and re-apply whenever needed so that you don’t have to be concerned about pain.
- Trim your fingernails and scrub underneath them before fingering to reduce the chances of anal fissures.
Practice safe anal sex
Anal sex is a pleasurable activity that you can take part in regardless of your gender or sexual orientation. Before you engage in any type of anal play, it’s important to be aware of the risks, go slow, and play it safe. And no, butt play won’t cause anal leakage. Use a condom, apply (and reapply) lube, and have fun!
Explore LOLA’s range of sexual wellness products and make your butt play pleasurable. [Shop now]