How to Introduce and Use a Vibrator With Your Partner

A vibrator is the go-to move when you’re in the mood for solo pleasure–waiting in the nightstand, charged, and ready when you are. But sex toys also come in handy (yes, pun intended) when it’s not just you getting off alone. Using a vibrator with a partner, whether it’s a long-time squeeze or a new fling, can be a fun way to spice things up, explore sensations together, and ultimately have better sex. 

Still, getting started can be a little intimidating, if you’re not sure how to gracefully add Old Faithful into the mix. Once you get over the hump, incorporating a vibrator during sex can enhance intimacy, leading to more powerful orgasms and next-level pleasure–for both of you. We’ll walk you through ways to introduce sex toys in a relationship, scenarios to try different types, and the best positions for maximum turn-on. 

Start With Communication and Curiosity

Not sure how to talk to your partner about sex toys? Don’t wait until you two are already beneath the sheets to bring up the idea of having a buzzy friend join you. Ideally, find a window when you’re both relaxed and have time to talk freely and intimately, suggests Dr. Carol Queen, sexologist with Good Vibes. Queen suggests using online articles or research as a way to introduce the topic, i.e., “I read an article about ways to use a vibrator during sex, it sounded really hot, would you ever want to try it?” 

Present the idea as something you’re curious about exploring together, because it sounds fun and sexy, and help your partner feel included by inviting them to come along on the journey. If you’re concerned that they’ll feel threatened by the toy, or question their own ability as a lover, remember that vibrators are tools for pleasure, not a replacement–and that goes for their pleasure, as well. There are vibrators designed for partnered sex, geared towards people with penises, people with clitorises, or versatile for use in multiple erogenous zones, so you’re likely to find toys to please you both. 

Plus, vibrators can help close the orgasm gap: A 2019 study showed that people with vulvas who used vibrators solo and with their partners reported greater sexual satisfaction than those who only vibed alone.  

You both can read about ways to use couples’ sex toys, browse vibrators together online, or visit a store together as a fun excursion. The staff at shops like Good Vibes or Babeland are trained to educate and provide non-judgemental support, so you can both feel comfortable and have fun as you learn.

 Conversation Starters to Try With Your Partner

• “I’ve been reading about vibrators as a way to make it easier to come, and there are even types that are designed to use during sex. Would you be up for trying that with me?

• “Are there any toys you think would be cool to try out? We could go to Babeland and pick out one together.”

• “I've been seeing articles about using toys with your partner and that sounded really fun to me, like a thing we could experiment with.”

• “I read about sex toys that are pleasurable for people with penises and people with clitorises, want to explore that with me?”

• “Apparently there are sex toys that go really well with some of the positions we’ve talked about trying,  can I tell you what I learned?”

Choosing the Right Vibrator for Couples Play

As mentioned, there’s a whole world of vibrators out there and many work great for both solo acts and couples. Most come with a range of vibration speeds and intensity, so always start at the lowest level and work your way up as you explore what feels best.

When it comes to couples’ sex toys, there are a few types to choose from. Bullet vibrators are small and sleek devices, like LOLA’s Mini Vibrator, that can be used directly on the clit or other erogenous zones like nipples, the vulva, perineum, or the shaft of the penis. Another type, wands, best known for the Hitachi Magic Wand, are much larger, with a broad head and more powerful vibrations. Both wands and bullets are handheld, for use on your partner or yourself, during foreplay, intercourse, or mutual masturbation.

Vibrating cock rings are slipped on at the base of the penis, providing sensation for the penis-haver and the person being penetrated. They fit snugly, which can boost girth and delay ejaculation leading to a more powerful orgasm. 

Internal vibrators are designed to stimulate the g-spot or prostate. Before you use any toy anally, ensure it has a flared base so it can be easily removed. 

Dual-stimulating options (think the Rabbit vibrator, of Sex and the City fame) provide simultaneous internal/external clitoral and g-spot stimulation, or dual perineal and anal stimulation, for an multi-sensational orgasm. 

Some of the best vibrators for couples are wearables, which are designed to fit securely in the vulva, providing hands-free stimulation. Some, like the We-Vibe Sync, come with a remote control and app to adjust the settings, the idea being that one person can control the vibes from afar–whether that’s across the apartment or across the country. There are also strap-ons and finger vibrators.

LOLA’s mini vibrator is made with body-safe silicone, with a flexible head that contours to your body and cycles through 10 unique vibration settings for different sensations. It’s easily hand-held to be used by you or your partner wherever it feels good, from nipples to neck, penis to clitoris. It’s small, easily portable, and whisper quiet, if you want to take your pleasure with you. 

Here’s what people are saying about using the LOLA mini vibrator with a partner: 

Shar’ron B: “I love it. There are so many settings on it for me and my boyfriend to enjoy and sometimes I use it by myself when I’m alone.”

Lindsey ”Perfect size and frequency. It’s a mandatory item in my sex life.”

Libby: “This is my go to vibrator. It packs a punch alone or with my partner I make sure I have this charged at all times.”

Shanaenae: “Was able to use it while having sex and it didn’t get in the way. And IT WORKS.”

Zoe C. “This vibrator has really helped with my sex life. It doesn’t over-stimulate and the 10 settings help mix it up!”

How to Introduce a Vibrator During Partnered Sex

Follow vibrator intimacy tips, like: always start slow. If it’s your first time using a vibrator together, demonstrate on yourself first to show your partner what you like (this will most certainly turn them on, as well). Then you can turn it on them—remembering that consent is key. First, ask something like “Can I try this on you? Where would it feel good for you?” Start with a low setting and ask for feedback before changing anything up. Give them a turn making you feel good. 

Explore different erogenous zones, like the nipples, neck, clitoris, penis, perineum, and vulva, keeping stimulation external while you’re warming up. Use lube to avoid any uncomfortable friction or chafing. If you’re having intercourse, you can keep using the vibrator externally on your partner’s clitoris or perineum during penetration.

Then, if you want to use a vibrator internally, try a dual-stim, wearable, or internal vibrator. Introduce it inside slowly, adding lube if needed. If you’re exploring anally, make sure you’re using a toy with a flared base. 

Creative Ways to Use a Vibrator With Your Partner

Want to have fun together while exploring sensations, reaching deeper orgasms, and experimenting with new dynamics? Vibrators can take you there. Here are a few ideas for how to make sex better with a vibrator. 

During oral

Queen recommends incorporating a small vibe during oral play: use your mouth, then use the vibe, then your mouth, and so on. She also recommends vibrating butt plugs that stay in place for the receiving partner while one person performs oral, for double the sensation. 

During penetration

“The easiest way is probably for the person being penetrated to hold a vibe that fits between both partners and can stimulate the clit, if either person has one,” says Queen. “This makes for optimal contact. But the other partner could hold the vibe, too.” Think missionary, on top, doggy style, reverse cowgirl, or while spooning. 

Queen recommends vibrators that are designed for partner play, include the WeVibe family of wearables; vibrating cock rings like the Triple Clit Flicker, Dame Hug Vibrating Couples Ring; and vibrating dildos that can be used in strap-ons, like the Pegasus set. 

Mutual masturbation

With mutual masturbation, “you're showing each other what you both like, and putting on a show for each other,” says Queen. Use your vibe of choice for this. And of course, it doubles as foreplay, getting you in the mood for more.

Teasing and kink play

You can use vibrators for “orgasm control” or a dom/sub kink play. One scenario: “The top says when to turn the vibe on, what to do with it, and when you can come,” suggests Queen. This dynamic could also play out with remote-or-app-controlled wearables, where one partner controls their partner’s level of sensation.  

Tips for Comfort, Confidence, and Connection

Using a vibrator together is about exploring what feels good, as a team. It might take a little experimenting to find out what you both like. The important thing is to communicate with each other, give and receive consent, and make sure you’re following sex toy safety tips for couples.

Be generous with lube. It will help prevent friction and irritation from rubbing when you’re using a vibrator externally. Internally, lube helps make sure everything’s slippery and feeling just right. 

You can also consider using a condom over sex toys to prevent STIs.

If you’re feeling awkward or nervous the first time using a vibrator together, remember that toys are additions, not replacements. They’re a tool for you both to use. 

Frequently Asked Questions About Vibrators and Partners

Can vibrators make sex less intimate?
Some people may feel that vibrators get in the way of intimacy. But in fact, they can enhance intimacy, when coupled with open communication.

Is it normal to feel weird about using one together?
It’s normal to feel first-time jitters when you’re trying something new in the bedroom. Vibrator use in relationships is totally normal. Talking about it before can help ease any anxiety. 

What if one partner is way more into it than the other?
Talk to each other about what feels good and what doesn’t. Maybe one person needs the help of a vibrator to orgasm. Make sure both people consent before using one.

How do we clean the toy after use?
Wash it with warm water and anti-bacterial soap, and store it in a clean sachet or the container it came in. 

Conclusion + Call to Action

Using a vibrator with a partner is about connection, not competition. Keep an open mind as you explore together, and always check in with each other’s needs to make sure both people are consenting.

Shop LOLA’s Mini Vibrator for pocket-sized pleasure. Explore Condoms, Personal Lube, and more of our sex collection for gynecologist-approved, non-toxic products that prioritize intimacy. Read our blog to learn how to have mind-blowing sex while putting your safety first.