How to Use a Vibrator During Sex: Your Complete Guide
Key Takeaways
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-Only 18% of people with vulvas orgasm from penetration alone. Vibrators help close the orgasm gap! -Vibrators enhance partnered sex, rather than replace it -Communication is key: learn conversation starters to suggest vibrator use to your partner -Foreplay, the right lube, and specific sex positions pair perfectly with vibrators -Not sure which kind? Bullet vibrators, wands, and cock rings are all great choices to use during partnered sex |
Vibrators are not just for getting off alone. Using a vibrator with a partner can be fun and sexy–a way to enhance intimacy, spice things up, and help close the orgasm gap: A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that 81% of people with vulvas require clitoral stimulation to orgasm, compared to only 18% who can climax from penetration alone. For those who may need—or, simply want—a little extra stimulation, introducing a vibrator to the bedroom can provide that satisfaction. Plus, more pleasure is always better.
There are plenty of ways vibrator use during sex can feel good for both of you: some vibrators are specifically designed for partnered sex, or geared towards people with penises, or people with clitorises, or versatile for use in multiple erogenous zones. So pick out the vibe(s) of your choice and make it a pleasure party for two.
Why Use a Vibrator During Sex?
Want to close the orgasm gap and introduce a tool that enhances pleasure for both partners? Try adding in a vibrator during sex.
Closing the Orgasm Gap
Only 18% of people with vulvas orgasm from penetration alone. Using a style of vibrator that's designed to target clitoral stimulation, like a bullet or wand vibrator, can help close that gap.
It's About Adding, Not Replacing
Some may worry that the presence of a vibrator means one person isn't satisfied with the sex alone, and that might make the other person feel insecure or doubt their abilities as a lover. The key thing to remember is that a vibrator is a feel-good tool that can only add to the sexual experience, rather than replace it. There are many ways to incorporate a vibrator into the mix so it enhances the sex, whether during foreplay, penetration, or even after the fact. Vibrators can be used by both partners, a way to explore different erogenous zones so both parties are satisfied.
How to Bring It Up with Your Partner
Learning how to use a vibrator during sex is simple, sexy, and fun. The biggest emotional barrier to introducing partner sex toys to your sex life is knowing how to talk about it. According to Dr. Carol Queen, sexologist with Good Vibes, the best recipe for success is to bring up the topic before you're between the sheets. Here are her tips to get the conversation started:
Choosing the Right Moment
Don't wait until you're hot and heavy to suggest grabbing a buzzy friend. Find a time outside of the bedroom when you're both relaxed and can speak intimately. Proposing the idea as a sexy thing to explore together can help both partners feel included, and make using a vibrator during sex seem less intimidating. You can also mention that there are vibrators designed to enhance sensations for both parties, so it's not strictly about serving one person.
What to Say
“I've been seeing articles about using toys with your partner and that sounded really fun to me, like a thing we could experiment with.”
“I read about sex toys that are pleasurable for people with penises and people with clitorises, want to explore that with me?”
“Apparently there are sex toys that go really well with some of the positions we’ve talked about trying, can I tell you what I learned?”
How to Use a Vibrator During Sex: 6 Tips
Once you've gotten the go-ahead from your partner to try a vibe the next time you two do the deed, you might be wondering how exactly you're going to add it to the mix. Here are six practical tips to get the vibe(s) right, from foreplay to using the right lube, the best positions to try, and how to talk dirty (and communicate!) throughout:
1. Use the Right Lube
Lube makes everything feel better. With a vibrator, it'll keep everything smooth, supple, and slick, and help avoid any unwanted chafing or rubbing. Just make sure you're using the right kind of lube to complement your vibrator. If your sex toy is made of silicone, you'll want to use a water-based lube. Using silicone or oil-based lube on silicone sex toys can make them degrade and break down.
2.Start with Foreplay
Foreplay is the surefire way to heat things up and let arousal build–and that goes for vibrator play, too. Especially if the sensation is new, you'll want to go slow to see what you and your partner like best, and make sure both of you are consenting and comfortable. Don't hesitate to check in as you explore different erogenous zones to make sure everything's still feeling good. Queen recommends using a vibrator during mutual masturbation—bonus: you can show each other what you like.
3. Try These Positions
There are certain sex positions that vibrators pair seamlessly with, particularly ones where you can use the vibe to add clitoral stimulation during penetration."The easiest way is for the person being penetrated to hold a vibe that fits between both partners and can stimulate the clit (if either partner has one), but the other partner could hold the vibe too," explains Queen. Try either of these techniques with cowgirl (one person on top, facing away from their partner, uses the vibrator on their clit); spooning (in which the little spoon can hold the vibrator, or the big spoon can reach their hand around with the vibrator to pleasure their partner); or during doggy style (where the person being penetrated can use it, or the penetrator can lend a hand).
4. Let Your Partner Take the Wheel
You can either use a vibrator on yourself, or turn it on your partner, or go back and forth. Try switching it up and seeing how you like relinquishing control. If you're the one taking the reins, make sure your partner consents first. Queen suggests a power play/orgasm control scenario: "the top says when to turn the vibe on, what to do with it, and when you can come."
5. Communicate in Real Time
The best way to make sure everybody is feeling their best is to keep communication going every step of the way. Let them know your feedback (and that you want to hear theirs, too) throughout, rather than waiting until after to give your report.
6. Clean Up After
Sex toy hygiene is important, both to make sure your toy stays in tip-top shape, and to keep you and your partner feeling healthy and irritation-free. Always wash your toy, before and after use, with warm water and gentle soap to remove bacteria. Store it in a safe, clean place where it's away from direct sunlight or exposure to high temperatures, like a clean sachet in a drawer.
Types of Vibrators to Use During Sex
When you're thinking about using a vibrator during sex, there are a few go-tos that work well to enhance penetration. Try these types:
Bullet Vibrators
They're small, compact, and easy to maneuver during penetration, whether you're reaching around to apply them externally on your partner, or placing them on yourself. Designed for strong, but not overwhelming, clitoral stimulation, they're also pleasurable on erogenous zones like the breasts, neck, and shaft of the penis. You can also try them during foreplay, including mutual masturbation, or oral–Queen suggests alternating using your mouth, then the vibe, then your mouth.
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Wand Vibrators
If you're looking for a powerful, earthshaking sensation, try a wand vibrator. You can use it externally before, during, or after sex, on yourself or on your partner.
Couples Vibrators / Cock Rings
Want to kill two birds with one stone? Queen recommends vibrators designed for partner play, like cock rings and couples wearables to target simultaneous stimulation. A cock ring is worn during sex at the base of the penis shaft, creating a vibrating effect that pleases both the penetrator and penetrated. Couples vibrators, aka wearables, like the We-Vibe sync, are worn hands-free inside the vulva. It comes with a remote control and app to adjust, so one person can control the vibes from near or far.
FAQs
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Is it normal to use a vibrator during sex with a partner?
Yes, it is very normal to use a vibrator during sex with a partner. Vibrators are a tool to enhance sexual pleasure for both parties, a way to explore erogenous zones during foreplay and penetration, and close the orgasm gap.
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What is the best vibrator to use during sex?
Bullet vibrators are popular for their compact size and easy maneuverability, while providing a strong sensation on different erogenous zones. You can also try a wand vibrator, or couples vibrators, like wearables or cock rings.
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How do you use a vibrator during penetrative sex?
Start slow and communicate with your partner to get consent and make sure everything feels good. Use on erogenous zones like the clitoris, breasts, neck, scrotum, or shaft of the penis during penetration.
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Should I tell my partner I want to use a vibrator?
Yes. Let them know you're interested in trying a vibrator with them during sex, as a way to enhance pleasure for both of you, and have fun exploring different sensations.
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What kind of lube should I use with a vibrator?
Only use water-based lube with a silicone sex toy. Never use silicone or oil lubes, which can cause the silicone toy to degrade.
Feel your best with LOLA
Using a vibrator during sex is a fun, sexy way to spice things up with your partner while exploring new sensations and maximizing your pleasure. At LOLA, we're all about helping you get empowered about your own sexuality, and feel good every step of the way with hypoallergenic, gynecologist-approved products that support your pleasure.